Sucked at Scary: An “Apartment 1303” Review

Don’t watch this movie.
Seriously. Don’t. I’m not saying this because it will scare the hell out of you and give you sleepless nights, but because this movie sucks so much it’s not even worth watching it for free. In fact, it sucks so badly that I’m going to tell you one more time and so bluntly, please…don’t watch this movie.
You know one of those movies where you see the first scene and you know right then and there that it will suck all throughout? Apartment 1303 is one of these and would be the best example. Based on the novel of Japanese writer Kei Oishi, the movie I watched is the US-Canadian remake of the Japanese film of the same name. This movie is basically a haunted apartment story. Janet (Julianne Michelle) moves out of the house she shares with her sister Lana (Mischa Barton) and their mother Maddie (Rebecca De Mornay). She gets her own apartment which (surprise, surprise) turns out to be haunted.
The alcoholic mom…who sucks even at being an alcoholic
I couldn’t find any element of the movie that I liked. The script was very poor (it’s actually the first thing I wrote on my notes), the acting was amateur, and the plot was not something we haven’t heard of before. The only time that I tried to focus on the movie was when there was a sex scene (ahem), but even that was poorly executed and not sexy at all even for sex scene standards. I was actually laughing for the most part of the film. The scenes and the movie’s effort at being scary was so ridiculous it felt like I was watching Scary Movie. And I know it’s not just me because the other people in the theatre were also laughing instead of getting scared. Gosh, I’ve seen scarier videos on Youtube!
It would also seem that character development was not given priority in the making of this film. We pretty much get the background of the three leads, that that the two girls are not getting along with their mom who was also a depressed alcoholic. But there were also other nuisance characters in the background who didn’t really feel like they needed to be there. We don’t find out who they are, what they are, and why they are in the movie in the first place. Even the ghost haunting the apartment wasn’t well developed; it feels like it was put there just for the sake of having a ghost in the story.
Ghost on a toilet LOL
I don’t even know why this girl was in the movie
The lead characters are also detached from each other, both script-wise and acting-wise. It feels like every actor was acting on their own, and not really connecting the other characters and to the story.
Forgive me for saying this but this movie is just a waste of time (and money if you made the unfortunate mistake of buying a ticket for it). I was actually itching to leave the cinema asap and spend my precious time on something else, I dunno maybe make another failed attempt to go to the gym. Yes, even this is more worth doing that seeing this movie.
You’re fighting a ghost with a knife???
Okay honestly I haven’t seen the Japanese version of the film, so I cannot say if it’s better or if it sucked as much. I can definitely guarantee though that the English version is miserable. It’s not even worth reviewing but I’m making this review to warn good readers like you and keep you from making the mistake of buying a ticket to this. Yep, you can thank me later. 

Geoffrey Ledesma

  1. Just when I thought my comment was submitted, your page suddenly redirected me to 404 when I hit the publish button. Well anyway, just like what I was saying, thanks for the heads up! Based on your review, it really doesn't look like a movie worth watching. Your review made me laugh btw, especially the caption down below : knife for a ghost! Teehee :3

  2. aww thanks for the review geoff! i would love reading movie reviews so I wont expect much or get attached or excited to it. Sounds not so nice though I needed to watch still! I love horro movies infact I shud be reviewing horror movies too! I love them haha xx

  3. Its so true. I just wasted 170 worth of my money watching it and it sucked ass. Throughout the movie i just wanted to go but refrained from it 'cause i didn't want to leave my friends. In the middle of the movie i just played temple run. -_-

  4. absolutely… the plot of the story was not established properly. was there really a ghost? or it was just a world that Lara was trying to make coz of insecurities with her sister..i didn't really get the entire story…sorry for saying, but most of the scenes i found myself laughing. :p

  5. Apartment 1303 3D exclusively at SM cinemas (Movie Review)
    elysplanet.com/2013/03/19/apartment-1303-3d-movie-review/
    Mar 19, 2013 – If you're a fan of horror films, Apartment 1303 3D is definitely an … stars Misha Barton, Rebecca De Mornay and Julianne Michelle and was …Great review. Director and stars did a great job.

  6. it is so bad, its that bad that its actually worth watching just so you can appreciate how bad it is. did anyone notice the iphone screen being on keypad when she was on a call to the cop? I'm making my friend watch it just so they can appreciate how severity of of how bad it is; its almost as if it was made to be bad

  7. The worst film ive ever seen, wish id read this review before i wasted an hour n half of my life. Spot on review 🙂

  8. OMG… its too bad for me that I watched the movie first before I was able to read your review. Complete waste of time.

    I thought that maybe in the end Lana and Mark were going to make some big discovery and end the killings that have been happening at Apt 1303. I was sooooo wrong.

    And what's the deal with their mother and that weird/creepy bald guy???

  9. Bought this on 3D blu ray ( just for the 3D really ) having no idea what the movie was about, and yeah sadly it sucked. So many unanswered questions and total lack of suspense make this film poor overall. The 3d was pretty good ( it was natively shot not post converted ) but even that didnt make it any scarier : ( Big thumbs down.

  10. This Apartment 1303 the Acting was good. Movie scary.Mother and younger sister very pretty, older sister too. Script not strong, still we enjoyed the movie. Acting very good.

  11. I liked the film, especially Rebecca DeMornay and Julianne Michelle. They can act. The acting was good by all Though. The editing was weak. Bad edit cuts can spoil great performances. It was scary in my opinion. I was tense and nervous especially suspenseful the first half. All in all I would give it and 8 out of 10. Good acting. Good music, sound. Editing??

  12. Lol the acting good??? Lol you ppl are on drugs the acting is the worst I've ever seen. If there was an award for the shittest actor, they would all tie. The story is so rubbish, I found myself going "what the f" every two mins. Seriously did this director Sit back and think wow this is going to be great? Ppl like this should not be allowed to make crap like this. The review was so true and made me laugh.

  13. I had a very hard time with the ending. OK, OK, I had a problem all the way through, but especially with the ending. There was absolutely no logical resolution and that main cop was a moron. In fact, BOTH cops were incredibly incompetent from the get go. The lead detective's classic line– Apartments don't kill people, people kill people— was incredibly narrow minded considering he had a file that covered all the mysterious deaths that had taken place prior in that EXACT apartment. Gee. That's not fishy to him? Duh. That should have given him pause to think that something isn't right. For heaven's sake–Lara didn't kill all those people described in his file!! Then he briefly acts like perhaps there IS some danger lurking as he warns her it's not safe. So then a person has a teeny tiny slight glimmer of hope that he is coming to his senses. But NO–apparently he was not. He focused on Lara as the killer and closed his mind AND the book on the case. THEN, we are led to believe that at least Mark believes her, then totally out of the blue he calls the main detective and says are you going to arrest her tomorrow? What was up with that? If he didn't believe her AT ALL, what was his reason for sleeping on the couch to "protect" her? Traitor. Then in the end– the ghost cuts loose and kills everyone. And what do we hear? The same lame,stupid line out of the cop's mouth—Apartments don't kill people, people kill people. And off to jail she goes. For what? He never even solved the OTHER murders in the apartment so is he seriously that stupid that he can't see these killings are just as inexplicable? Yes. He is. He has no business being a cop. And neither did Mark who slept through EVERYTHING instead of doing his job and keeping an eye out for strange happenings. Great under cover cop. He spent more time arguing about who should take the kid to school than doing his job! With cops like that running the show, I think I'd have hurled myself off the balcony without the help of the ghost!! Dumb. Disjointed. And definitely the most ridiculous ending ever.

  14. Well Im a "horror movie-addicted" person and I like to watch this kind of films.
    I like the Japanesse horror movies like "The eye" (it was the first one that I saw-so good) "Ringu" "Ju-on". The only remake I really like is "The ring" THE ONLY. All the others SUCK! REAAAALLY BAD!
    For this movie, the only think that I was disappointed was Micha Burton acting-skills. I thought that she was good, but OMG what the hell was that? Im acting better than her in my real life! This was terrible. C'mon people. Japanesse horron movies are so old-fashion now. We want something new. For example. "Sinister" (WOW!) "Insidious" (Double WOW-and I cant wait for the Part 2 in September) Honestly this movie is a DUMP and Im 100% agree with the writer… Dont waste you valuable time…

  15. I just moved to detroit and watching with the kids and hem recognizing buildings really did make them believe it was a true story. The movie itself was stupid. My teenagers and their friends scared shitless, priceless

  16. I just finished watching this movie…..it was horrible.
    I wish I read this before I endured this.the thing that shocked
    me the most? The terrible acting…….I figured mischa barton and
    rebecca de mornay its got to be good.WRONG!
    'I cant believe how bad the acting was….I felt as if I was watching
    a soap opera.

  17. Did they really cut this movie and think it was good? Did they hold auditions for the main character? If so it must have been candidates from Craigslist.

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